Number one child

FAMILIES. CAN'T LIVE WITH EM, CANT LIVE WITHOUT EM. (PHOTO: AVALORE)
Families disagree a lot, that's what makes them fun. They are also unequal, with every family member being treated differently. Whether this is positive or negative rather depends on the family. Much as every parent would wish to be and try to be impartial and fair, it is simply impossible to treat all your children the same. I would lay money on the fact the most oft-spoken sentence in a family with more than one child is "It isn't FAIR".

I am a younger sibling, and I know for a fact that my older brother thought I got away with murder. He got to stay up late? So did I. He started getting pocket money? So did I. Very unfair. But it was the way that I used to provoke him until he hit me then go crying to mum, who would then of course take my side because I was smaller and a girl, that really broke his spirit and destroyed any faith he ever had in his parents.

Naturally, I just thought I was getting my revenge because he was older and got to do everything first. Naturally, he thought it was yet another example of how much our parents preferred me to him. And there's the key point. Whatever real or imagined imbalance in the way we were treated, we didn't agree about it. (We do now, as he still thinks they liked me better and I agree with him. Kidding). According to a study of family dynamics done in Illinois, that disagreement is pretty common. But in the families which communicated the best, any real or imagined imbalance was less of a problem. The moral of the story is that families should talk more, which is always a good idea. Of course the idea of teenaged siblings who communicate well with each other is about as likely as a low-flying pig, so this is a lesson for parents more than children. If you have to treat your children differently, for example with extra time or help, make sure the other kid knows why. It's basic psychology but it makes so much sense.

PS - If you need a good way to open communication with your family, why not try one of these little gizmos from Popgadget?

Here's the Eurekalert press release.

Comments

[Katie B.]

I've been reading for a couple of weeks now, nice to have a source of science. :) yay for nerd girls!

I am inspired to comment today because I feel you should be wary of winged bacon: my older brother and I actually rarely had any disputes as teenagers, and were quite close (we still are). Our family had (and has) plenty of other stresses, but complaints about unfair treatment among the siblings weren't often among them.

[Katie]

You didn't fight with your brother when you were teenagers? What's your secret? You could make millions with that! I love my brother to bits now but I so didn't when we were in our teens. Much as I hated it at the time, I do feel that having been able to truly hate someone like that was a formative experience!

[Katie B.]

Well, I did mention my family has other issues... let's just say there were other family members to hate and leave it at that. Our secret? We've always been very close, and mere age was no reason to stop (still isn't). Not to say we didn't have disagreements, but... they weren't worth detesting one another over.

[zabit]

hi hello dear freind how are you i am zabit i a m from pakistan i live in peshawar city ples repiy missge ok ples send em invitone ok came there

[hossrex]

I hope you actually email me with a response, because I'm genuinely interested in what you have to say.

Your behavior as a child is entirely understandable. I (nor anyone with a brain) would ever hold a child responsible for... well... acting childish.

But your essay comes off as slightly unapologetic regarding your behavior towards your brother. Like you don't think you did anything wrong back then, because you really *WERE* the girl, and everything you did really *WAS* okay.

Its one thing to understand the misbehavior of an unruly child, its another altogether to condone the behavior.

I'm almost nervous about whether you have children, and if you have both a son, and a daughter, I would hate to be your son.