So nuts, I'm screwed

The other day I was shopping at my local grocery store, which has become surprisingly posh these last few years. They were giving out free samples of sweet-potato fries, coated and baked with this awesome tasty chili sauce. I ate some. They were darned good. So darned good that I asked for a jar of the chili stuff and planned on heading straight for the frozen section to grab the fries. I was all chattin' with the fry lady, who was particularly proud of the dipping sauce she'd made, mayo and more of the tasty chili, which I heartily enjoyed as well. So we're chattin' and I'm all "what is IN this nectar of the gods chili deliciousness?" And then I see it. Third ingredient. PEANUTS.

Anyone who's read this website before probably knows that I, Anna Gosline, am deathly allergic to nuts. But I really didn't want to freak out the lady. She was nice and blonde and happy. I wanted her to keep on having a good day. I wanted the thought that she just about killed me in front of the deli cheeses to never pass her mind. So I handed her back the jar and said "Oh, this has peanuts in it. I can't get any because my brother is allergic (LIE LIE LIE)." She replied, kindly, perky and concerned, "Well we're reformulating with cashews!" And I had to tell her that he (ME ME ME)) is allergic to them too. To which she said, all sad-faced, "poor thing, but you are sure lucky to have escaped it!" Cough. "Yeah." I snuck away, took two Benadryl and hoped I wouldn't fall asleep on the 6 minute drive home.

It's funny, see, all the press attention that peanut allergies get. Mars are spending MILLIONS of advertising dollars promoting their new Canadian bars are totally peanut-free. Which is cool. Nestle makes an assortment of Halloween candy (Smarties, Coffee Crisp, Kit Kat. Aero) that is likewise free of peanuts. It's been a long hard battle by folks like Anne Munoz-Furlong of Food Allergy and Anaphylaxis Network, to gain this ground. I salute people like her who have given us peanut allergy freaks the ability to enjoy our candy.

But what about us losers stuck with the multi-nut allergy, eh? An estimated 1.1% of Americans are allergic to peanut and/or tree nuts (almonds, cashews, walnuts etc). But just 0.3% are allergic to both - like ME! Of course then there are the weirdos like my brother, who can down a jar of peanut butter in 7 minutes but will blow up like a balloon at the first sight of a walnut. Go figure.

I just want to know how many more years it will take before all the nuts, either pea or tree, are considered equal. Both are lethal - some studies suggest that peanuts and tree nuts account for up to 90% of deaths by anaphylactic reactions - though peanut death is nearly twice as prevalent. Both are ground and buttered, used as fillers and thickeners in all sorts of places you wouldn't expect to find them - though peanuts, being cheaper, are used more often.

So yes, peanuts are the uber-killer, and have been granted their special status according. I guess I won't hold my breath until the lesser nut assassins make the grade. Though really, I should practice for all those times when my asshat brother breathes peanut breath on my face OR when my windpipe starts to swell shut after I eat someone's "there are no nuts in this, only almonds!" curry.

Did I mention that I hate snow, too?

Comments

[Lab Lemming]

Tree and peanuts will be considered equal when they cure allergies.

Can you eat pine nuts? Genetically, they should be nothing like the various angiosperm kernels...

[Lab Lemming]

Does spam contain nuts? Does exposure to it increase your blood pressure, raise your heart rate, and constrict your arteries and airways?

[Em]

I'm allergic to hazelnuts. Nothing else, which means no more Nutella, sadly. They make my throat burn and swell up. Is it common to have an allergy to just one type of tree nut, not the whole category.

[Katie]

Good grief. To the best of my knowledge that's the first time that's ever happened here at inkyc!

A post I wrote back in Feb about selling kidneys was hijacked by people advertising their own body parts, but I haven't seen a bit list o spam like that before...

What are they hoping to achieve with that? I can't imagine any link I am LESS likely to click on than the ones in that list! Bizarre.

[sara]

Hah hah, Anna, the fact that your brother blows up at the sight of a walnut is better explained when people realize that he also passes out upon DISCUSSING blood (not even seeing it).

Anyway, pine nuts are a seed, not a nut: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pine_nut. Kind of like peanuts are more like a bean than a nut. And I seem to have become an allergy nut!!

[Anna]

Word to all...I removed a GIGANTIC chunk of comment spam from this post, so if any of the other comments seem a little left-fieldy...

[BethL]

Be glad your allergy isn't more serious. My dad is allergic both to peanuts and tree nuts, and had it been him sampling the sauce, he'd probably have died. He can't even *wash* a peanut butter jar without the vapors closing his throat. Peanuts are everywhere, and my friends don't understand why I get all paranoid about them - and other nuts. When I was a kid, my brother and I weren't allowed to make PBJ sandwiches - Mom didn't want us getting peanut butter into anything else. We always have to ask about ingredients at every restaurant, and I cringe whenever I see someone put a peanut butter-covered knife into a jar of jam. People put peanuts, peanut butter especially, into anything and everything. One of our friends used it as his secret ingredient in his chili - and luckily told my parents this just *before* my Dad ate it, rather than *after.* I think people need to be more aware of nut allergies, and food allergies in general. You never know who you're killing when you offer a simple snack.
Glad to hear you survived it, though. We'd miss you!

[Andrea]

I'm allergic to peanuts, tree nuts, seeds, and more. It's the sesame seeds that try to kill me, though. The rest just make me miserable to varying degrees. I once had a roommate that didn't seem to understand the statement "I am severely allergic to the smell of hot sesame seeds"... I stopped having a roommate then!

[Caitlin O'Connor]

*sigh* I hear ya. I am not allergic to nuts - thankfully - but I do have quite severe reactions to the ingestion of gluten (Well, only if you categorise severe as "Exploding simultaneously from both ends") and, like peanuts, gluten hides in a lot of places. Freakin' ICE CREAM!! I mean, I don't go into bakeries, but ICE CREAM?!? And again, it's a cheap bulk filler, so other things you would never suspect are just waiting to bomb my system. "Oh, but it's not got MUCH flour in it!" said one hostess, after I'd rushed from the room....

DAMMIT, these are not "lifestyle choices" - we should have the right to know what's in our damn food so it doesn't injure or kill us.

[MT]

Nut allergies are a punishment from God. For something--I'll think of it eventually. Consider yourself as having got off easy.