The resident dick on the block

Or should I say compensating-for-a-lack-thereof on the block. There's this guy on my block who has a Hummer. It's big, offensive, and I want to slash his tires (two of which straddle the curb cause his ride's ass is so wide) each time I have to squeeze by his extension of puny manhood. To make matters worse, he also has a yellow Ferrari that he delicately navigates down our potholed gravel lane. Take the hint. I live in a decent leafy residential neighbourhood of Vancouver. It's not flashy. The other cars on the block are toyotas, VWs, and subarus as well as some old trusty wagons. Yes there are a couple of SUVs but there are many bikes too. He doesn't belong here. I'm thinking I should go door to door and raise the money to send him down to silicon valley, from whence his money came. NIMBY.

Anyways, here are two things that he should know about. Dickwad, these are for you. The first is a weekly enviro comic about Rustle the Leaf who can be quite cutting despite his cuteness (see above). And the second is this. Instead of spending your money on cars in the most cliche way possible why not just spring for this new cutting edge surgery that will give you an artifical penis - of which you're clearly in dire need. As reported in Forbes:

In the study, adult male rabbits with severely damaged penises received a graft of specially engineered penile tissue. The animals then re-grew full penises that functioned normally -- even to the point of successfully impregnating females...

Sharlip cautioned this is a preliminary study involving animals. But he said that "rabbit tissue is fairly similar to human tissue. If it can be done in rabbits, it probably can be done in humans."

You get better esteem and save the Earth the hassle of warming faster. It's win-win. If not I'll start bumper stickering your piggymobile starting now. Any suggestions from the circus-goers on the best candidate bumper stickers? I'm liking this one:

(Thanks to Debby for the dick-growing story! And Sushinight for Rustle)

Comments

[Aussie Sara]

A giant four-wheel drive on our street has been furtively tagged with the bumper sticker "I'm changing the climate. Ask me how". This prompted my partner, a hydrogeologist who drives a 4WD for his site visits, to rush out and plant the sticker he got from his preferred petrol station onto his bumper: "This car is fuelled by biodiesel".

[Anne]

Sara, that is so rad. Major brownie points for your hydrogeology man. Good for him. And the bumper-sticker vandal in your neighbourhood!

[CindyMom]

Anne, I too live in a "decent leafy residential neighborhood of Vancouver", with a potholed gravel lane. My neighbor at the end of the lane has TWO Hummers!!!. Mind you, he is an infamous hockey player, much in the news (and court) lately.

[Andrea]

A bumper sticker for his car? How about "Does this vehicle make my dick look bigger?"

[Anne]

That's a great idea Andrea. In fact I like it so much that perhaps we should team up and start a cafepress account for just that.

[Dan]

I happened onto this site wile looking for a bumper sticker. If I cant find one I'll have to get it made. If you know of a place to buy it or would like to buy some from me when I get them made, let me know...

(Picture of hummer) "I am compensating too"
-This will go on my '97 metro.

nuttydan@hotmail.com